God Don't Like Ugly

... But You Are U-G-L-Y! What Happened?

There is an expression people sometimes use when they see somebody behaving badly: "God don't like ugly!" Well, I have a question. If God don't like ugly, what happened to YOU? Have you looked in the mirror lately? And I'm not talking about the mirror hanging on your bathroom wall. I'm talking about the one that reveals what is going on inside your heart! Because there is something rather interesting about human nature. People can become so occupied with identifying the faults of others that they gradually lose sight of their own behavior. They recognize bitterness, arrogance, spite, and an unforgiving disposition when somebody else displays them, yet fail to recognize those same qualities developing within themselves. They have an explanation for every unkind thing they say, every angry response they give, and every grudge they continue carrying. Somehow, their behavior is always justified by what somebody else did first. And that, my friends, is a dangerous place for the heart to be.

Consider how easily a disagreement can change the way people treat one another. Two people may have enjoyed years of friendship, shared family gatherings, celebrated important occasions, and supported one another through difficult times. Then a political disagreement comes along, and suddenly the entire relationship is viewed through the lens of that one issue. One supports a particular candidate, the other supports somebody else. One believes a certain government policy is necessary, while the other considers it harmful. Before long, conversations become arguments, insults begin flying, and people who once cared about one another start questioning each other's intelligence, character, and even their relationship with God. How did a political disagreement acquire the power to change the way we treat another human being? When did our political opinions become so important that we began allowing them to govern our relationships and our conduct?

We need to understand something here. Political parties are human institutions, political leaders are human beings, and political ideologies are systems of human thought. None of them is the Kingdom of God. We may have very strong reasons for supporting particular policies or opposing others, and we have every right to examine government decisions and speak about matters that concern us. However, our political convictions must never become an excuse for abandoning the character God expects His people to demonstrate. A person's political affiliation does not tell us everything about their heart, their experiences, their knowledge, or their intentions. We ought to be especially careful about making sweeping judgments concerning someone's relationship with God based upon how they vote.

In Romans 14:1-4, Paul addresses disagreements among believers concerning matters of personal conviction. Some regarded certain foods differently, while others observed particular days in ways their fellow believers did not. These differences were producing judgment and contempt. Paul instructs them to receive one another without turning personal disagreements into disputes, and he asks who has given one believer the authority to judge another person's servant. The Greek word krinō carries the meaning of judging, evaluating, or rendering a decision. Paul is reminding them that God is the Master, and each person is accountable to Him.

This passage is particularly important because it demonstrates that disagreements among believers are not a new problem. People have always found reasons to consider their own understanding superior to someone else's. Paul was addressing the behavior that developed when personal convictions became a reason for despising another person. Romans 14:10 continues by asking why one believer judges or looks down upon another, reminding them that everyone, even you, will stand before God's judgment seat. That is (should be) a sobering thought. We have enough responsibility examining our own lives before God without assuming the position of final judge over everybody else's.

Now, let's examine what happens when pride enters a disagreement. Have you ever tried having a conversation with somebody who really isn't interested in hearing anything you have to say? You haven't even finished explaining your position, and they are already preparing their response. They listen for something to attack rather than trying to understand what you mean. If you present information they hadn't considered, they become very defensive. If you question their reasoning, they take it personally. Eventually, the discussion becomes an examination of your intelligence rather than the subject you were originally discussing.

James 1:19-20 gives us a very different instruction. The Greek text describes the importance of being quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. James explains that human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. The Greek word orgē refers to anger or wrath. What James is addressing is the tendency to allow our emotional reactions to govern our conduct. Anger can become so powerful that it takes control of our judgment, influences our words, and causes us to behave in ways we would otherwise recognize as wrong.

Think about that the next time somebody challenges something you strongly believe. Does your response reflect patience and self-control, or does your temper take over? Are you interested in understanding the disagreement, or have you become more interested in winning? There is nothing inherently righteous about having to have the last word. Sometimes the person who walks away from an argument has demonstrated more wisdom than the person who spent an hour trying to win it.

This brings us to grudges, because they are often the result of an offense that has been allowed to remain active in the heart long after the original event. Being hurt by somebody is not the same thing as holding a grudge. We may remember something painful for years because it genuinely affected our lives. The problem develops when we continually nurture the resentment associated with that experience. We replay the conversation, rehearse what we should have said, remind ourselves of how badly we were treated, and carry that anger into every subsequent interaction with the person.

Ephesians 4:31-32 addresses this directly. Paul instructs believers to put away bitterness, rage, anger, shouting, abusive speech, and malice, and to become kindhearted and forgiving toward one another, following the example of God's forgiveness through Christ. The Greek word pikria refers to bitterness, that inward resentment which can become an established condition of the heart. It is particularly destructive because it changes the way we perceive people. Once bitterness takes root, even an ordinary conversation can become an opportunity to revisit an old offense.

Some people have carried the same resentment for so long that they no longer know how to interact with the person without bringing up what happened or what was said. Every new disagreement becomes another opportunity to reopen the original wound. They remember the offense in extraordinary detail, yet the years of friendship or kindness that preceded it seem to have disappeared from their memory. Resentment has become the defining feature of the relationship.

Jesus addressed forgiveness in Matthew 6:14-15, explaining its importance in connection with the forgiveness we receive from God. This is not a teaching that wrongdoing should be ignored or that we must pretend painful experiences never happened. Forgiveness concerns our response before God and the condition of our own hearts. Trust is a separate matter and depends upon the conduct of the other person. If someone has repeatedly demonstrated that they cannot be trusted, appropriate boundaries may be necessary. We are not required to expose ourselves to continued mistreatment in order to demonstrate forgiveness.

In Matthew 18:21-35, Peter asks Jesus how often he should forgive someone who sins against him. Jesus answers with an expression indicating forgiveness far beyond the limit Peter has suggested, and then tells the parable of a servant who owes his master an enormous debt. The master responds with mercy and releases the servant from what he owes. Yet when that servant encounters another man who owes him a comparatively small amount, he refuses to extend the same mercy. He demands payment and has the man imprisoned.

The servant had experienced extraordinary mercy but failed to allow that experience to influence how he treated somebody else. Jesus uses this account to expose the seriousness of receiving mercy while remaining unwilling to extend it. We need to remember how much patience God has shown us throughout our own lives. Every one of us has needed forgiveness, correction, and mercy. That should give us reason to examine how readily we condemn others when they fail.

There is another passage that addresses the tendency to find fault with everyone around us. In Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus uses the illustration of a person who notices a small particle in another man's eye while overlooking a large beam in his own. The Greek word hypokritēs, translated as hypocrite, identifies a person whose outward presentation does not correspond with the reality of their conduct. Jesus exposes the absurdity of somebody who is eager to correct another person's shortcomings while refusing to examine his own.

The instruction is to remove the beam from our own eye first so that we can see clearly enough to help our brother. That is an important distinction. We are not being told to abandon discernment or pretend that wrongdoing does not exist. We are being told to examine ourselves before approaching somebody else with an attitude of superiority. If we are going to speak about another person's behavior, we ought to be willing to examine our own conduct under the same light.

And this examination becomes especially important when we consider our speech. James 3:5-10 discusses the tongue and its tremendous influence. He points out the contradiction of using our mouths to praise God while using those same mouths to curse people who have been made in God's likeness. The Greek word eulogeō conveys the idea of blessing or speaking well, while katarasthai concerns cursing. James is drawing attention to the inconsistency of claiming devotion to God while speaking contemptuously about His creation.

Think about how easily people justify hurtful speech. They say somebody deserved the insult, that they were only responding to what was said to them, or that they were simply telling the truth. Yet the fact that another person behaved badly does not reduce nor remove our responsibility for our own words. We cannot excuse every unkind response by pointing to somebody else's previous behavior. God knows what we said, why we said it, and what was happening in our hearts when we said it.

Ephesians 4:29 speaks about the importance of using words that are beneficial to those who hear them. The Greek word sapros describes something rotten, spoiled, or corrupt. Paul is addressing speech that damages rather than builds up. This gives us something to consider before we speak about another person. Are we contributing something useful to the conversation, or are we simply releasing our frustration? Are we trying to correct a problem, or are we looking for a way to embarrass somebody?

There is a considerable difference between honesty and cruelty. A person can speak truthfully without deliberately humiliating another human being. In fact, the manner in which we communicate can determine whether somebody is willing to consider what we have said. An insulting approach often creates defensiveness and resentment, while thoughtful words leave room for understanding. We should never confuse a sharp tongue with a strong character.

1 Corinthians 13 gives us another important examination of the heart. Paul explains that a person may possess extraordinary knowledge, understand mysteries, demonstrate tremendous faith, and even perform remarkable acts, yet without love, those accomplishments amount to nothing. He describes love as patient and kind, free from arrogance and rudeness, and unwilling to keep an account of wrongs.

The Greek expression logizetai to kakon conveys the idea of reckoning or keeping an account of wrongdoing. The word logizetai is associated with calculating or keeping a record, while kakon refers to evil or wrongdoing. Paul is describing a love that does not continually maintain a personal ledger of offenses. This is particularly relevant to people who seem to have an entire collection of past grievances ready to bring into every disagreement. Their relationships become burdened by offenses that are continually being recalled and counted.

Love is not blind to wrongdoing. It does, however, change the way we handle the wrongs committed against us. A person governed by love does not make another person's failures the permanent definition of that individual. Love seeks what is good and desires that people walk in what is right. That requires patience, restraint, and a willingness to let go of resentment.

Pride can make this difficult. Proverbs 16:18, written in Hebrew, warns that pride precedes destruction and an arrogant spirit comes before a fall. The Hebrew word ga'own conveys pride, exaltation, or arrogance. When pride becomes established in a person's thinking, admitting a mistake can feel like losing a battle. Correction becomes difficult to accept because the person has become attached to the idea that their understanding must always prevail.

We should never become so confident in our own opinions that we are unwilling to consider information that challenges them. Wisdom requires a willingness to listen and examine what we are hearing. Our convictions should be grounded in truth, and our confidence should never become an excuse for arrogance. od does not need us to defend our egos. He expects us to walk in the character He has instructed us to develop. Ego is nothing more than Edging God Out. It is what happens when our own importance, opinions, and desire to be right begin taking precedence over our willingness to submit ourselves to God's instruction. When ego takes the lead, pride begins making our decisions, and we become more concerned with defending ourselves than examining ourselves. We leave little room for correction because we have made our own thinking the authority. And that is a dangerous place to be when we are supposed to be allowing God to shape our hearts, our attitudes, and our understanding."

Romans 12:18 tells believers to pursue peace with everyone as far as it depends upon them. This recognizes that we cannot control another person's response. Somebody may remain argumentative, refuse to apologize, or continue expressing opinions we strongly oppose. Nevertheless, we remain responsible for our own behavior. Sometimes the wisest response is to end a conversation that has become unproductive rather than allowing it to deteriorate into personal attacks.

Jesus takes this matter even further in Matthew 5:44, where He instructs His followers to love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them. The Greek word agapaō is used for love, and proseuchomai for prayer. Jesus is teaching a response that does not depend upon receiving kindness first. He is calling His followers to demonstrate a love that reflects the character of God, even when dealing with people who have treated them badly.

Now consider how much this instruction challenges the way we sometimes approach people with different political beliefs. If somebody supports a candidate we oppose, do we immediately regard that person with contempt? If somebody disagrees with our understanding of a government policy, do we begin questioning their entire character? If a family member expresses an opinion that we find offensive, do we allow that disagreement to destroy the affection we have shared for years? We need to consider whether we have allowed temporary earthly disagreements to take a place in our hearts that belongs to something far more important.

Galatians 5:22-23 describes the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit, including love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These qualities should become evident in our everyday conduct. The Greek word egkrateia refers to self-control or mastery over one's impulses. That includes the ability to govern our reactions when somebody provokes us. It is easy to speak about patience when everyone agrees with us. Our character becomes much more apparent when someone challenges our convictions.

We should also understand that kindness and gentleness do not mean surrendering our convictions. They describe the manner in which we conduct ourselves. A person can be firm, knowledgeable, and courageous while maintaining control over their words and actions. Self-control is especially important when anger tempts us to retaliate or when pride makes us want to humiliate somebody who disagrees with us.

So let's bring this back to the question that started this teaching. "God don't like ugly... but YOU are U-G-L-Y! What happened?"

What happened is that you became so concerned with everybody else's behavior that you neglected to examine your own. You allowed political disagreements to influence how you regarded people. You held onto offenses until resentment became part of your disposition. You began keeping accounts of other people's mistakes while expecting mercy for your own. Your words became instruments of humiliation, and your convictions became an excuse for treating people without kindness.

The real tragedy is that a person can spend so much time defending what they believe is righteous that they fail to recognize when their own behavior has become unrighteous. They may know Scripture, participate in religious discussions, speak passionately about God's commandments, and identify wrongdoing in the world, yet neglect the very qualities Scripture instructs them to cultivate.

This is why examining ourselves is so important. We should ask God to reveal what has taken root in our hearts. Is there someone whose name immediately brings resentment? Is there an old offense we continually revisit? Have we allowed a political disagreement to damage a relationship that once meant something to us? Are we speaking about somebody with contempt while claiming to stand for righteousness? These are not questions we should be afraid to examine. They are opportunities to bring our conduct into alignment with what God has instructed.

We cannot determine what another person will believe, how they will vote, whether they will apologize, or whether they will ever understand our position. Those matters are outside our control. What we can examine is the condition of our own hearts and whether our conduct reflects the character of the One we profess to follow.

So, the next time you are tempted to tell somebody how ugly their behavior is, take a good look in that spiritual mirror first. Make certain that your own heart is not harboring the very bitterness, arrogance, contempt, and unforgiveness you are so quick to identify in someone else.

After all, we are supposed to be reflecting Christ. And perhaps the most important question we can ask ourselves is not whether everybody else is behaving as they should, but whether our own lives are demonstrating what we claim to believe.

God don't like ugly... so before you start pointing it out in everybody else, make sure you haven't become the very thing you're complaining about!

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Prayer

Holy Father, I come before You with praise and thanksgiving, for You alone are worthy of all honor, glory, and reverence. You know the thoughts of my heart, the intentions behind my words, and the things I sometimes fail to recognize within myself. Your wisdom is greater than mine, Your understanding has no limits, and Your Word is the standard by which I must examine my life.

Father, I ask You to search my heart and reveal anything that does not belong there. If I have allowed pride to influence my thinking, bitterness to settle within me, or resentment to remain where forgiveness should have been, bring it to my attention. Show me where my ego has gotten in the way of Your instruction, where my desire to be right has interfered with my willingness to listen, and where my words have caused hurt rather than understanding. I do not want my opinions, personal convictions, or earthly disagreements to become more important to me than the character You are teaching me to develop.

Help me to recognize the difference between standing firmly for truth and allowing pride to govern my behavior. Give me the wisdom to listen carefully, the humility to consider correction, and the discernment to recognize what is right. When I encounter people whose beliefs or opinions differ from mine, help me remember that I am responsible for my own conduct. Keep me from allowing political disagreements, personal offenses, or differences in understanding to produce contempt in my heart.

Father, help me release the grudges I have continued to carry. Where someone has hurt me, give me the strength to forgive without pretending the hurt never happened. Remove the desire to retaliate, the temptation to keep an account of every offense, and the resentment that can quietly influence the way I treat others. Teach me to extend the same mercy I continually need from You.

Guard my tongue, Father. Let my words reflect wisdom, kindness, and self-control. When I am frustrated, help me pause before speaking. When I am challenged, keep pride from taking control. When I see someone behaving wrongly, remind me to examine my own heart before passing judgment. May I never become so occupied with pointing out another person's shortcomings that I neglect the work You are doing within me.

Holy Father, I want my life to reflect the character of Christ. Develop within me the fruit of Your Spirit, that my conduct may demonstrate love, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Let my convictions remain grounded in Your truth, and let my confidence never become arrogance. Keep my heart teachable, my spirit humble, and my love sincere.

Thank You for Your patience with me, for Your correction, and for Your mercy. Continue shaping me into the person You desire me to be. May I spend less time measuring the faults of others and more time making certain that my own heart is pleasing to You.

In the precious Name of Yeshua, I pray.

Amen and Amen.

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Don't take my word for it. Like the Bereans in Acts 17:11, search the Scriptures daily to see whether these things are so. Open your Bible, study God's Word for yourself, and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you into all truth. Don't simply accept my conclusions. If what I've written agrees with Scripture, hold fast to it. If it doesn't, let God's Word be your final authority.

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© AMKCH 2026

image done by duck.ai at my direction. If any of these people looks like you or someone you know, that is purely coincidental. They are not.

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