Mind Your Temper

 Temper is something that everyone feels at some point in their lives. It’s that overwhelming sensation of heat, tension, and frustration that swells up in your chest and mind when something goes wrong or when you feel disrespected or misunderstood. These moments often make it seem impossible to contain the anger, as the urge to react impulsively can feel overpowering. But acting on that impulse can lead to consequences that may not be fully comprehended at the time—consequences that may echo long after the moment has passed. As the Bible says in Proverbs 14:29, "Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly." This verse teaches us that rash reactions, driven by unchecked anger, can result in regretful decisions and broken relationships. Think of a time when you lost your temper in a minor situation—perhaps an argument over something small or a fleeting disagreement with a friend or family member. In the heat of the moment, it can feel justified to lash out. Yet, when the anger fades, the realization sets in that those words or actions can have a lasting impact, one that might linger far beyond the fleeting frustration.

For example, imagine you’re stuck in traffic, running late for an important meeting. The anger starts to build as you watch the minutes tick by. Your frustration rises as you feel helpless, trapped, and overwhelmed. The urge to honk, shout, or make rude gestures seems overpowering. Yet none of these actions would change the fact that you are still stuck. By reacting impulsively, you not only deepen your own frustration but potentially stress yourself further, making a bad situation worse. Reflecting on this moment, James 1:19 comes to mind: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” This verse highlights the need to pause before acting on anger, particularly in moments of stress and impatience. In these situations, the ability to step back, breathe deeply, and regain composure allows you to remain grounded, transforming your emotional state and leading to a more peaceful and productive outcome.

It is in these very moments, when the heat of anger rises, that we find ourselves at a crossroad: we can either give in to that immediate urge to lash out, or we can choose to pause, reflect, and let the emotion subside. Suppressing your temper or denying it doesn’t solve the problem either. Anger, like all emotions, is a natural part of the human experience. It's a God-given emotion that serves as a signal, alerting us to perceived injustice, hurt, or frustration. However, it is how we respond to this emotion that matters. Ephesians 4:26 teaches us, “In your anger do not sin,” reminding us that anger in itself is not sinful, but how we express it can be. We are called to manage our emotions, not let them control us. When you feel that heat building up, instead of succumbing to the immediate urge to lash out, pause and breathe deeply. This gives you the space needed to reflect and regain control.

Consider a situation where a friend cancels plans at the last minute, leaving you feeling disappointed and frustrated. Your immediate reaction might be to express that disappointment through anger, possibly even making them feel guilty. Yet, by taking a moment to reflect, you might realize that your frustration is not just about the canceled plans—it’s about feeling unappreciated or unimportant. Instead of reacting impulsively, you can choose to calmly express how you feel, showing empathy for your friend's situation while also ensuring your feelings are heard. Proverbs 15:1 teaches us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." This verse encourages us to approach challenging situations with kindness and patience, creating an atmosphere where resolution is possible without unnecessary tension.

In emotionally charged situations, especially when you feel wronged, it’s easy to act impulsively. Anger often stems from a deeper place of hurt or injustice. It is in these moments that our faith and patience are tested. Perhaps you feel that someone is treating you unfairly or not acknowledging your perspective. Anger in these situations is natural, but it is also easy to fall into the trap of reacting too quickly and trying to "correct" the perceived wrong. Take, for example, a situation at work where a colleague criticizes your project. You’ve spent hours pouring your effort into it, and the criticism stings. Your first instinct might be to defend yourself or argue back, to explain why you did things the way you did. However, when you take a moment to pause, breathe, and reflect, you might realize that the issue isn’t just the feedback—it’s a fear of not being good enough or a sense of being undervalued. Recognizing the deeper roots of your anger allows you to approach the situation with greater clarity. Instead of reacting defensively, you might listen to the feedback with an open mind, ask clarifying questions, and view the criticism as an opportunity to grow. Proverbs 15:4 reminds us, “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” This teaches us that a thoughtful response can restore life and healing to a situation, whereas a rash and defensive response can harm relationships and hinder personal growth.

Stepping back is critical in moments of anger. It’s not about waiting for the anger to disappear on its own, but rather about gaining perspective on the situation. When emotions run high, it is easy to become blinded by the intensity of the moment, focusing on the immediate irritations rather than the broader picture. Stepping back allows us to reassess the situation with more clarity. Perhaps your partner leaves their things around the house, and you feel the familiar frustration rising. In such a moment, rather than reacting with irritation, take a moment to reflect. Why does this bother you? Maybe the clutter is simply a symptom of deeper concerns—perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities or unnoticed in the household tasks. By stepping back and considering the root cause of your irritation, you avoid escalating the situation unnecessarily and can approach your partner with a calm, thoughtful conversation. Ecclesiastes 7:9 reminds us, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” This verse underscores the importance of patience in managing our emotional responses, teaching us that a delayed response often leads to better judgment and healthier outcomes.

Patience plays a vital role in managing our temper. It’s not about waiting for the anger to disappear on its own, but rather about choosing to pause and reflect before reacting. Patience helps us gain the clarity needed to understand the root cause of our emotions. Are we upset because of unmet expectations? Are we feeling undervalued or neglected? Understanding the real source of our anger allows us to address the issue thoughtfully, without reacting in haste. When someone makes a comment that bothers you, instead of snapping back, you pause to reflect. Proverbs 14:29 teaches, "Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding," showing us that patience leads to wisdom. By taking a moment to breathe and reflect, we allow the Holy Spirit to guide our response, rather than letting our natural impulses dictate our actions.

Managing your temper does not mean denying the anger you feel. Instead, it means choosing how to handle it. The Bible calls us to respond to anger with wisdom, strength, and love, rather than letting anger define our actions. Proverbs 19:11 reminds us, "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." Anger, when managed well, can serve as a valuable tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth. It alerts us to boundaries being crossed or injustices occurring. By pausing to reflect before acting, we can use that emotional heat to fuel thoughtful, respectful communication rather than impulsive reactions. Proverbs 25:28 warns, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control,” reminding us that when we fail to manage our emotions, we leave ourselves vulnerable to destruction.

By learning to manage your temper, you gain control over how you react to difficult situations, allowing you to stay calm and composed even when others might lose their cool. This does not mean you will never feel anger again; rather, it means you will be better equipped to handle it in a way that reflects the peace and self-control God desires for us. Mastering your temper is a lifelong process that requires practice, reflection, and prayer. Over time, as we grow in patience and self-control, we can transform our anger into a tool for personal and spiritual growth. James 1:20 reminds us, “Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Through self-awareness, reflection, and prayer, we can shift from allowing anger to control us, to using it as a stepping stone to greater understanding, peace, and spiritual maturity.

As the saying goes: "It's better to be thought of as a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt".

see also Douse Your Mouth

I hope this message blessed you. If so, please leave a comment. I look forward to hearing from you.

Anna M. C. Hazen 2025