Trivial Trivalities

One of those moments happened today where my husband and I got into an argument over something that, in the grand scheme of things, was so very trivial. We were going back and forth, each of us digging in our heels, and as I looked at the situation, I couldn’t help but think—why does this happen to couples? Why do small things sometimes blow up into bigger problems? It made me take a step back and reflect on what the Bible says about handling conflict, especially in marriage. After all, if we’re supposed to be a team, why does it sometimes feel like we’re on opposite sides of the battlefield?

Marriage is meant to be a partnership, a relationship where both spouses complement each other emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. In Genesis 2, we see that when God made woman, He made her from the man, as a "helper" suitable for him. This isn’t about one person being in charge, but about two people coming together to work side by side. The idea of "helper" here implies collaboration—not competition. Each partner brings unique strengths, gifts, and perspectives to the relationship. However, when disagreements arise, it’s so easy to forget this partnership. Instead of working together, we can quickly begin to see each other as adversaries. The Bible calls us to view our spouse as our teammate, but how often do we forget that and treat them as the problem?

This is where the Bible’s teachings about love and respect become so powerful. Ephesians 5:33 says, "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." The key word here is “must.” It’s not optional. Both spouses have deep needs: husbands need respect, and wives need love. When either of these needs isn’t being met, it can quickly lead to frustration, miscommunication, and hurt feelings. Even in the middle of a silly disagreement, the real issue might not be the topic at hand but the lack of love or respect being shown in the moment. Love and respect are the building blocks of a marriage, and when they are missing, conflict can escalate quickly.

It’s easy to forget the power of kind words in the middle of an argument. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." It’s something I’ve experienced time and time again: when things start to get heated, one sharp word can cause a snowball effect, making everything feel worse. But when we choose gentleness over harshness, it has the power to really calm the situation. That doesn’t mean we avoid talking about the issue or bury our feelings—it means we approach the conversation with patience and humility. Even when emotions are running high, we can choose to speak in a way that builds up instead of tears down. Our words have power*, and when we’re mindful of that, they can bring peace instead of conflict.

Forgiveness is another essential principle that the Bible teaches us in marriage. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." In marriage, this is so vital because it’s easy to let old hurts creep into new conflicts. When we hold on to past mistakes or grievances, it makes every disagreement feel like a repeat of the past. Holding on to resentment only creates more distance, and soon enough, even small misunderstandings feel like big offenses. The Bible calls us to forgive, not because the other person deserves it, but because forgiveness frees us. It’s about letting go of the anger and bitterness that can poison the relationship. When we forgive, we’re not excusing bad behavior, but we’re choosing to let go of the need for revenge and healing the relationship instead of hurting it.

Humility also plays a huge role in how we handle conflict. James 4:6 says, "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." I’ve found that when we fight with pride, it usually shows up in defensiveness or the desire to “win” the argument. We might not even realize it, but when we’re more focused on being right than on understanding the other person, we’re not communicating well. Humility, on the other hand, opens the door to genuine understanding. When we humble ourselves, we’re able to listen, reflect, and even admit when we’re wrong. It doesn’t mean we let ourselves be walked over or that we stop standing up for what we believe is right, but it does mean we’re willing to approach our spouse with the understanding that both of us can have valid perspectives. Humble communication helps create an environment where both people feel heard, respected, and valued.

There’s also something so important about striving for peace. Romans 12:18 tells us, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Sometimes, we forget that peace is something we can actively pursue, even when it feels hard. When a disagreement is brewing, it’s easy to just react emotionally, but the Bible encourages us to take responsibility for our part in the conflict. Are we contributing to the peace, or are we adding fuel to the fire? The goal of marriage isn’t to avoid conflict altogether but to handle it in a way that promotes peace and resolution. This might mean agreeing to disagree on certain things or finding a compromise. It’s not about "winning" the argument but about coming to a solution together. Living in peace doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations—it means approaching them with the goal of understanding, reconciliation, and growth.

Patience is another virtue the Bible calls us to practice. Colossians 3:12-13 tells us, "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone." Patience is hard, especially in the middle of a disagreement. But it’s necessary for emotional clarity and understanding. When we’re quick to respond with frustration, we miss out on the opportunity to pause and reflect before reacting. Patience allows us to calm down and approach the situation with a heart that’s open to understanding and compromise. It’s easy to jump into an argument, but taking a moment to breathe and gather our thoughts can often change the course of the conversation.

Lastly, when all else fails, prayer can be a powerful tool in resolving conflict. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Prayer changes things. It doesn’t just change the situation, but it changes us. When we invite God into the conflict, He can bring peace to our hearts and minds, allowing us to approach our spouse with the right perspective. Prayer also gives us the humility to ask for guidance, the strength to forgive, and the grace to seek reconciliation.

God never promises a marriage without conflict, but He does provide guidance on how to navigate those disagreements in a healthy, loving way. When we focus on love, respect, gentleness, humility, patience, forgiveness, and prayer, even the most difficult disagreements can become opportunities for growth and deeper connection. The Bible encourages us to view conflicts not as threats but as opportunities to understand one another better, to reconcile, and to strengthen our bond. Through God’s grace, every challenge in marriage can be an opportunity to grow closer, to learn, and to reflect more of His love.

 

 
I hope this message blessed you. If so, please leave a comment. I look forward to hearing from you.

Anna M. C. Hazen  2025

The image is AI generated on chatgpt.

 

*Douse Your Mouth

**Marriage Seminar