WHERE WAS GOD?

 

Many years ago, I went through a very serious spiritual crisis. I remember thinking, “Where was God while all of this was going on? Why didn’t He do something to stop it? I thought He loves us all. If He does, then where was He?” Those questions didn’t stay quiet in me. They turned into anger. I fumed, I yelled at Him, I just let Him have it. I felt abandoned, and in that place, I began drinking, smoking, and doing whatever I felt like doing at the time. I quit attending church. I turned my back on Him completely.

But something I did not understand then, and only later came to see, is that He never turned His back on me. Even in my anger, even in my rebellion, God was still there. Just as Christ Jesus said, He never left me.

Heb 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

So why do I have this ministry?  It is very simple.  God more than proved His love for me, and He proved that He is always there with us, even when we are convinced He is not.

1 Pet 3:15–22 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts…

When someone asks me why I believe the way I believe, I must be ready to give an answer, and my life itself must testify to it.

Several months after my angry “tantrum,” I finally broke down. It took time for me to come to my senses. When I did, I was able to sit before God in a different way. I asked Him, “Why?” And what I understood in my heart was, “To prepare you for what I have in store for you.” I then asked Him about my family, about the damage, about my children and what they went through. And in that same deep place, I understood the answer to be, “I have plans for them as well.”

Now I will say plainly, I cannot explain every “if,” “and,” or “but” about why God allows certain things. But I do know this: He uses things to prepare us, to correct us when needed, and sometimes to get our attention when nothing else will. He is not distant in it. He is present in it. He knows exactly what is happening in our lives at every moment.

The things I went through became part of how I am able to speak to others now. Before I could help anyone, I had to understand suffering from the inside.  I had to walk through it myself.  I cannot think of anything I have endured where God did not bring me through it changed, something new learned, something deeper formed.

Some people, especially in psychology or academic circles, will say that belief in God is a weakness, something for people who cannot cope otherwise.  They often say that suffering is simply bad timing or poor choices.  And yes, choices do matter.  But I do not believe faith is weakness.  I believe it is recognition that God understands what man does not.  Not because He is guessing, but because He already sees the whole picture, including what we do not see and sometimes what we ourselves contribute to.

How do I know God exists?

Look up.  Speak to Him honestly.  Ask Him to show Himself.  He may not answer in the moment the way we expect, but He does answer.  And often, the very desire to seek Him is itself already part of His drawing.

John 6:37 All that the Father gives me shall come to me; and him that comes to me I will in no wise cast out.

John 6:44 No man can come to me, except the Father which has sent me draw him…

That word “draw” carries the sense of being pulled, led, moved inwardly.  There are moments in life when questions about God are not random.  They are invitations. They are the beginning of being brought closer.

Rom 9:21 Has not the potter power over the clay…

John 3:27 A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven.

1 John 4:4 Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world.

There is a deep truth here: when a person begins to genuinely search for God, it is not only the person searching.  It is also God drawing that person.

Now, I will share more Scripture, because it matters to understand the foundation of what I am saying.  Some will say the Bible is just a man-made book, or full of contradiction.  I understand why people think that.  But I do not see it that way.  I believe God worked through men, guiding what they wrote. I have talked with Him myself, and yes, He has spoken with me too. He has even given me and Mr. H. visions and prophecies.

2 Pet 1:21 For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man…

The Scriptures are not meant only as stories.  They are instruction, history, correction, and revelation.  Like learning principles in any field of life, they become real when they are lived, not just read.

Yes, there are questions about translation and transmission, and that is a larger study on its own.  But the core message remains consistent: God speaks, and He reveals Himself.

Now, stepping back into the question of suffering and evil, I understand how difficult that subject is. Scripture says:

Isa 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil…

Deut 32:39 I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal…

These are not easy statements.  But the point, as I understand it, is that nothing is outside God’s authority.  Life itself is not random.  It is not outside His reach.

There are times when consequences come from our own actions. There are times when correction comes.  And there are times when we are being shaped for what we cannot yet see.  God knows what we do not know about ourselves.

Jer 17:10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins…

Even in hardship, there is purpose that we may not see at the time.

At the same time, there is also an enemy who works against life and truth.

1 Pet 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil…

And there is spiritual conflict that is not always visible.

Eph 6:11–12 Put on the whole armour of God…

Through all of this, what I have come to believe is simple: God is not absent. He is not unaware.  And He is sooooo not powerless.  He is present, right there with us, even when everything in us says otherwise.

And in the end, life keeps bringing us back to a choice.

Deut 30:19 I have set before you life and death… therefore choose life.

That choice is always there.

I do not claim to have every answer.  I do not.  What I do have is a history with God through real experiences, some painful, some breaking, some restoring.  But through all of it, I learned that I could still go to Him.  I could still speak to Him.  And He was still there.

He has carried me through things I did not think I would survive.  And He continues to do so.

If there is one thing I would leave you with, it is this: God is not far away from you.  Even in the moments when you feel most alone, that is not proof of His absence. It may be the very place where He is closest.

✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️

Prayer:

Holy Father, 

I worship You. You are God alone, holy, eternal, faithful, and full of mercy. There is none like You in heaven or on earth. You remain steady when everything else shifts, and Your love endures even when my understanding is limited. I thank You that You do not abandon Your people. Even in seasons of anger, confusion, or distance, You remain present. Your Word says Heb 13:5 that You will never leave nor forsake those who belong to You, and I trust that truth even when it is hard to feel.

Lord, I confess there are times when I struggle with questions in pain. There are moments when life feels overwhelming, and it seems as though You are far away. Yet even then, I believe You are not absent. I believe You are still working in ways that are not always visible to me.

Your Word says that You search the heart, Jer 17:10, and nothing within me is hidden from You. You see deeper than circumstances and deeper than emotion. Though Your ways are not always understood, You are never distant from those who seek You.

Please bring me healing where there is confusion. Restore trust where it has been damaged. Soften my heart where it has grown weary or guarded. Teach me to rely on You more than shifting feelings or limited understanding. Let my life become a testimony of Your faithfulness, the God who remains near, even when I wander in thought or struggle in faith.

As Your Word says, John 6:44, You draw people to Yourself. Draw me closer, and draw all who are searching, all who feel far away, and all who are unsure where You are in their story.

And when faith wavers, remind me again that You are still present, still faithful, and still God.

In the name of Yeshua, Amen an Amen.

✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️

 
I hope this message blessed you. If so, please leave a comment. I look forward to hearing from you.

AMKCH (revised from the original) 2025 (originally written in 1998)

The image is AI generated on chatgpt at my direction.

✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️ 

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